Tuesday, January 13, 2015

(...)

I don't have a title for this post because I don't really know what to say. Even as I'm writing this, I have no idea in my head of what is going to come next.

It's been a long time since I've written. Sorry. Want a quick recap?

Towards the end of November I was called to be a member of my church's Activity Committee. I thought it was a joke at first because I AM NOT AN OUTGOING PERSON. (Hear the frustration in my voice? Yeah, still trying to get past that.) I know that church callings are inspired, and this is the calling I am supposed to have right now, but to be honest I'm still trying to figure out why Heavenly Father would do so many things at once to put me out of my comfort zone. Learning experience, Anne, learning experience.

What did I mean when I said "why Heavenly Father would do so many things at once to put me out of my comfort zone"? Well, point number two: All last semester I had a huge crush on my Biology TA. I told a couple of close confidants about it about in October, and it seemed like after two weeks every soul in Utah knew about my dilemma. So that was...fun? Annoying? Anyways, it is a rule at BYU that TAs can't date their students (conflict of interest), so I had no idea all semester if he was interested in me at all since it wasn't a topic I could exactly bring up. I got hints now and then that he liked me, but that was all I had to go on. I decided about halfway through October that at the end of the semester I would give him my number. That may not sound like a big deal, but it was for me. Like, I stressed about it every day and night after that. To make a long story short, I went through with it, and three weeks ago I gave this guy my phone number with the invitation to call if he ever wanted to hang out.

He never called.

And you know, I'm ok with it. I liked him- I really did. So yeah, I was bummed. And sad. But I'm actually really proud of myself for going for it, and not just letting him become a "what if" in my life. I have too many of those. I still get a little disappointed when I think about it, but really I'm good. And sooooooooooo over boys for a while...

Christmas break was amazing. I love seeing my family, my friends, my family, my pets, my family...I love Washington so much, and I miss living in the country more every day I am in Provo. And dude, the homesickness. (Out of my comfort zone point number three.) Every semester I go back to school I am insanely homesick for the first week or two. It almost feels like it's getting worse, but I may be exaggerating in my mind about that. But it's not getting better, that's for sure. I am just head over heels in love with Washington, my home, my family, everything. And I miss it so much when I come here. I know I wrote a post about this at the beginning of last semester and I was all sure about the fact that "I'm here for a reason" and "I know this is where I'm supposed to be". And that still stands true, but it's honestly been a real trial for me to understand why I need to go to BYU. I know pretty much everyone gets homesick in some way or another, but if this is really where I'm supposed to be right now, why is it so painful these first couple weeks? Like, really, really painful? And why isn't it getting any better? (Sigh...) I know this will turn into some huge life lesson eventually, but for now I just want to go home.

That is, if I survive this semester. I got the luck of the draw this year. You know how you always have that one class that just gives an insane amount of homework and reading? And you can't slack on anything because you're quizzed or graded on your reading? And your attendance? And you have a million midterms, which are all super hard and will require hours of preparation? And your final will be the same way? And you have to keep daily journal entries what you're learning in the class? And you have multiple projects and papers you have to complete along the way? Yeah, that's EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. of my classes this semester. I've started to get into a little more of a rhythm with my schoolwork, but I still have no idea how I'm going to get everything done this semester. Seriously. I'm very overwhelmed. Hopefully it gets better. But last week felt like finals week, and this week has already begun to get that vibe. I'm exhausted, and it's only Tuesday. Plus I'm working 19 hours a week, so that's fun.

I guess this post was just venting about my life. I guess that's not too interesting. But I feel better, so that's good. Oh, and I'm applying to the Journalism Major this week, so wish me luck!