Monday, August 24, 2015

What Am I Doing With My Life?

You know, I get really frustrated with myself every time I look at this blog. What am I doing? No one is reading it. No one is getting anything out of it. No one cares, Anne.

I find myself, especially at this point in my life, thinking like this a lot. I am 20, and if you're 20 now or you've ever been 20, I think you'll understand what a crazy time of life it is. Some of the most important decisions of our lives are being made right now or will be in the next few years: Where to go to school, what to study, where to work, who to marry, where to live...the list goes on.

I think the hardest part for me is finding the balance between wanting to just get somewhere in life, but first figuring out exactly where that is.

As I mentioned a while ago, I'm taking some time off of school to travel and volunteer. I am incredibly excited and I know it's a really great thing for me to do, but as I see all my friends head off to school again, I can't help but feel a little lazy. (The fact that I can't find a decent job right now and am currently unemployed is a significant factor in those feelings, but still.) I'm taking an entire year off of school- is that a good idea? It's going to put me a whole year behind where I could be. I'm so lazy. Right now I am sitting on my bed in my sweatpants, cuddling with my cat and writing this post.

I wasn't kidding. Anyways...don't you think I could be doing something better with my time? (And so the thoughts go.)

At least that's what I keep telling myself. And you know what, it's not really motivating me. If anything, it's making me feel worse about myself. All I want to do now is keep cuddling with my cat and turn on "Criminal Minds" and eat the brownies my mom made yesterday. So, after much thought, deliberation, and conversations with other friends (I'm looking at you Anne V.), here's the conclusion I've come to:

Don't think you need to have your whole life planned out before you start living it. 

Yes, I am taking a year off of school. But you know what? I'm teaching English to underprivileged children, I'm gaining valuable experience I can use later in my career, and I'm beginning to fulfill and life-long dream of traveling the world! I think that's worth it, right? 

You may look at my situation and think I have no reason to complain or beat myself up. But if you're my age and feel a little nervous or uneasy about a decision you're making, take a moment to really think about it. Are you taking a risk that could result in a worthwhile reward? Are you doing something that is going to make you a better person? Are you taking steps to live your dream? When you look back a year from now, are you going to be happy you did this or mad that you didn't even try?

No matter your age, don't be afraid to do something with your life. Take risks. Challenge yourself. Be OK with failing. I am probably the worst person to attest to that because I absolutely hate failure, but I know it's true. Life is an amazing adventure and we only have so long to live it. So live it!

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