Saturday, October 29, 2016

How to be a Woman

Like every post I write that is the tiniest bit controversial, I’m going to start with a quick disclaimer. I know this isn’t true all the time, I know this is from a feminist point of view, and I know this may seem slightly exaggerated. There are a lot of people in society doing an amazing job of treating women fairly and eradicating the things on this list.

There are two points I want to make though. One is how torn women can feel about every little decision we make, from what makeup we use to how we dress to how we lead meetings at work. The second is that even if all of these don’t apply to everyone, every single woman in the world has struggled with at least a few of these points at some time in their lives.

There are always going to be judgmental people out there, so this may never completely go away. But the more aware we are of issues in our society, the better prepared we are to change them.  

How to be a Woman (A List Made by Society)

1. (And most important, obviously) Have a nice body.
2. Remember, thin is in, but
3. Real women have curves.
4. Love yourself the way you are,
5. But change if you need to impress someone, and don’t forget nothing tastes as good as thin feels.
6. Go to school, get an education so you can get a good job.
7. Oh, but if you want to have kids we won’t pay for you to have a couple months to take care of them. You’ll get fired instead.
8. But if you don’t have kids you are a terrible person. So have fun deciding.
9. P.S. Good luck with that wage gap.
10. If you dress revealing in any way, you’re a slut.
11. If you have a lot of sex, you’re a slut.
12. If you deny a man sex, you’re a slut.
13. (It’s going to be really hard for you not to be called a slut.)
14. Feminists are great.
15. Feminists just want to watch the world burn.
16. Say the right thing, but don’t talk too much or you’re annoying and a bunch of words I don’t want to say.
17. But if you don’t talk enough, you’ll be overlooked, so…yeah, moving on.
18. Let’s go back to your bodies, because we all know how much they matter. Have a tiny waist, but a big butt.
19. Have thin legs, but big boobs.
20. Except don’t show your boobs too much, or you’ll be a slut.
21. Don’t wear too much makeup or you’ll look fake.
22. But wear a lot if you’re ugly, because no one wants to see that.
23. But make sure you’re good at applying it, or you’ll just look stupid.
24. Shave. Everything.
25. (Disregard the fact that you’re human and humans grow hair.)
26. Don’t set your standards too high or you’ll just be picky and you’ll never find anyone.
27. But don’t set them too low or you’ll date jerks your whole life.
28. (But don’t actually call a guy a jerk or you’ll go back to being a slut.)
29. Be assertive, but not too assertive or you’ll be bossy.
30. Be confident, but not too confident or you’ll be arrogant.
31. Wear heels all the time, not because their practical, but because they make your legs look really good.
32. Don’t dress too comfortably, or you’re a slob.
33. But nothing too tight or you’re, guess what? A slut!
34. Don’t ignore guys when they catcall you. What do you think you deserve, respect, or something?
35. But don’t flirt with too many guys or you’re, you know, that girl.
36. Oh, and don’t get raped, because it’s probably your fault.

Have fun with life!


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