Monday, July 24, 2017

Keeping the Motivation

"Never give up on what you really want to do. The person with big dreams is more powerful than the one with all the facts." -H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

 

A really hard part about anxiety is how fast it is to take away my motivation and confidence. I have these moments where I’ll get an idea and get really excited about it, whether it’s writing a book, public speaking, making an Instagram account for my blog, or whatever. Those ideas have all given me that amazing passionate feeling- my heart swells up and I get excited and I want to spend the next five weeks working on whatever it is nonstop. When you get that feeling, chase it. There aren’t a lot of things in life that are going to make you feel like that.

The problem with anxiety is that it will let me be excited for a while. It will let me plan and create and think “yeah, I can do this.” Then it will say “Well, actually you can’t. Want to know why? You’re a failure. Nothing you do works. Other people can do it, but not you. You will fail. You know you will.” And when someone (or something) tells you you’re a failure enough times, you start to believe it.

Take my Instagram account for example. A while ago I thought it would be a really cool thing to make an Instagram account about my blog. I could post whenever I made a new blog post, and talk about my anxiety on there as well. So I made the account and I updated it pretty religiously for a good couple of months. But I wasn’t seeing any growth in followers at all. The same 10 people were liking my posts every time, and they were almost always friends I already knew. So my anxiety started to get at me. “There’s no point doing this. You’re not helping anyone. You’re just annoying people by posting all the time.”

And I believed it, so I stopped posting on my account. It’s been three months and I still haven’t posted. I can’t get myself to go back now, because what’s the point? No one cared that I left, right? I didn’t succeed immediately, so that means I’ll never succeed, right?

Honestly I still kind of believe that’s true. Failure in any degree is hard, and with anxiety it’s a thousand times harder because your mindset isn’t that it will get better. You’re mindset with anxiety is that it will never get better and there’s absolutely no point in trying. So can you understand why it’s hard to go back to something after all those thoughts? I know it’s just an Instagram account, and to a lot of people it sounds like a stupid, childish problem. But to me it’s a big deal because my anxiety makes EVERYTHING a big deal.
 
That all being said, I think I’m going to go kick my anxiety in the face and go back soon. Social media is so, so important for the message I’m trying to share and I really want to share it. Yeah, maybe the same five people read my posts for the next ten years, but what if those five people need to hear what I’m saying? If nothing else, maybe I just need to hear what I’m saying. Maybe Instagram isn’t where I’m going to be successful, but maybe it will lead to something else. Maybe it will introduce me to people and organizations I never would have found otherwise.

I have two points here. 1) You have to keep going. Everyone is going to tell you why you’ll fail, but you have to tell them why you’ll succeed. 2) It’s okay if you have some roadblocks when you try to keep going. You may stop or quite at some point, but that doesn’t mean you can’t get up and try again. Even if it takes you three months to get off the ground, you still got up.

Xoxo Anne