Saturday, September 9, 2017

(Sigh) Here we go again

Let's cut straight to the point: I barely wrote anything this semester. I'm pretty sure I talked about the reason why in my last post (my laptop is glitching out right now and I'm too afraid I'll delete this post if I try to check) but basically I didn't have anything to write about. Anxiety-wise. And I guess I don't have to write about anxiety, but I kind of decided to make that my niche a while back and in my major we've spent a lot of time talking about the importance of finding your niche and blah blah blah. And not that I'm planning on making a career out of blogging, but if something every came along I definitely would jump on it and a niche would be important for that. 

Anywayyyyyys, I've mentioned before that my anxiety gets significantly better when I'm at home. I think there are a lot of factors to that: my family and closest friends being right there, my dog Solo, my cats, being in nature a lot more, privacy, and the fact that I don't have all the stresses that come along with school. Even during summers when I've started new jobs (or this past summer when I did an internship with a well-known nonprofit foundation that had the potential to lead to jobs) my anxiety was significantly better than when I was at school because a) all the factors I just mentioned are nonexistent at school, and b) my journalism classes here at school trigger my anxiety worse than anything.

So yeah, over the past year and a half I've come to the realization that I am in the wrong emphasis in my major. Communications still has the prospect of a lot of jobs I'd be more comfortable with (social media management, for one) but the News Media emphasis at BYU is very focused on traditional journalism, meaning all my reporting classes involve me writing for a newspaper. Which. I. Hate. With a burning passion. I know that's dramatic, but the amount of anxiety and stress and nerves I feel with the idea of having to put together a news package makes me feel like throwing up. After my first advanced reporting class a few days ago I was on the brink of tears walking home from class because I was so tired of having to do all these things that kill me inside and aren't even going to be the type of thing I'll do as a career. 

So change your major. Thought about it. But by the time I realized how much I hated reporting I was three semesters from graduating and decided it wasn't worth it. So I know, I got myself into this and I made the decision to stick with it. The problem is, my anxiety doesn't seem to care about that fact.

Well, I'm not sure where this post was going...sorry to make it kinda depressing. The good news (maybe?) is that now that my anxiety is worse I'll have a lot more to write about. Yipee!